


It's All in the Execution...

by Morrigan_Crowe



Category: Ghosts (TV 2019)
Genre: Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 06:42:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21114395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morrigan_Crowe/pseuds/Morrigan_Crowe
Summary: The Day Humphrey Died- Rated Teen up as it features a few curse words...it is Humphrey after all!





	It's All in the Execution...

Apparently, the human head can stay alive for up to 10 seconds after it has left the body.

Humphrey winced, sun in his eyes as he stared up from the gravel and into the eyes of the executioner, and winked. _That’ll shit him up for a bit! _In the background, he could hear the sound of his wife screaming,

“I’m alright, love!” He cried out, yet no sound left his moving. _I’m alright… Beheading’s a bit steep mind you… I only told a bloody fart joke!_

The first sign that something was wrong, however, aside from the axe hitting the back of his neck that is, was the image of his body shuffling blindly through the executioner and back into the house. _Now that’s not normal…_ He noted, glancing to his left to see his body also lying slumped on the ground beside him. _Uhhhh_.

The sunlight was suddenly dimmed by a figure standing over him, and he looked up having to squint. As his eyes adjusted, the figure came more into view and Humphrey made a face. “Mate, could you maybe, _not_ stand there… I can see right up your tunic. Jesus.” He winced, closing his eyes before being picked up. “Hey, whoa…no no… um… I’m a little busy mate…y’know, bright light, chorus of angels, grieving wife… more grieving girlfriends when I get upstairs-“

He was interrupted as the figure sat him down heavily on the table inside. “This ain’t right. I don’t know who you are -aside from that you need a haircut- but I shouldn't be here, alright? I should be in heaven? Or Hell? My body is literally walking right there, yet I’m here. Bit weird… And you really need to stop staring at me…”

The figure continued to study him, before stepping back, leaning down to look into Humphreys face.

“You talk too much.”

“And your breath stinks!" He coughed, gagging a little. "You want to tell me what the hell is going on?” He raised an eyebrow, taking in the being in front of him. _Probably a peasant… _

“You dead.” Humphrey opened his mouth, immediately rolling onto his cheek as he feigned surprise.

“Nooooo, you don’t say!” He huffed, “I know I’m dead you blithering cretin, I’m in two bits! What I mean is why are you here talking to me and not our maker! I at least expected one angel! Hell even a dove would have been better than this!” He scowled, not liking the cards he had been dealt, even more disliking the face he was now on his side being stared at by a man who looked like he had been living in a cave for the last 50 years.

There was a commotion, and his wife’s sobbing grew louder as she was brought inside by her sister who was desperately trying to console her.

“I know, I know Elizabeth. I’m so sorry. But you know what the King is like, he won’t tolerate that sort of humour… Humphrey should have known better.” The wailing got louder and Humphrey sighed, chewing awkwardly on his lip.

“What you do?” The stranger reached out, fur clothed palm gripping the recently deceased’s scalp to pull him upright again. He would have shrugged if he had shoulders, his gaze falling to the table he was propped up on.

“King Henry was having his dinner here, we were invited as guests.” He clicked his tongue, looking up at his wife’s distraught figure hunched over in a chair. “He used the privy, I went in after him and it stunk…so… I might have…y’know… suggested he might have let one go.” One eye closed as he winced, looking up at the new person, who stared back at him blankly. “Oh come on it was funny! Right it might have been a bit inappropriate, but jokes are all in the execution!” He smiled dryly, before groaning as he realised the stranger wasn't grasping his humour. "How was I supposed to know he was a bit of a party pooper after finding out that Queen Catherine was knocking around with half of the royal court anyway?" He sniffed, watching his wife again. “She can’t see me can she?”

“Well… Body is outside an so is head so… me think she saw you…”

“I don’t mean _that_… god… I mean me! I mean I’m talking to you, and I’m assuming you’re dead too- you certainly smell that way.”

“Hey! Robin no smell bad!” Robin took a step back, clearly offended.

“I was joking…”

“No you not.”

“Well, no but…” Humphrey was answered with a grumble as the only other person who could see him stormed off, “Hey, Hey! Come back! It…I…please? You can’t just leave me here! Hello?” He huffed, frowning as he was left stranded on the table that wasn’t even in his house, his body somewhere else shuffling around.

He sighed, watching as his wife continued to weep, occasionally comforted by other guests who were at the party (the king had left immediately after giving the order to have him immediately executed), who had all remarked on the same thing. _“_

_He should have known better!”_

Eventually, his wife stood, her face tear stained and blotchy as she wrapped her shawl around her shoulders before being led out of the front door by the Earl of Surrey. No second glance nor goodbye kiss as the door closed. The other ghost had still not returned, leaving Humphrey along in the quickly darkening room.

_So far_, He thought to himself with a sigh, _Death has been a bit of a pisser._


End file.
